wedding
spoke at : 2:42:00 AM
not my day
why today is not my day because i almost die in the afternoon and fail my class 4 license.
very depressed with the performance i have today. so angry with myself, i can do well during my practice why i can't do it during my test. why why why? it been so long i can't perform when there is testers or manager or anyone which are higher range than me. why? i can't overcome this fear. where is all the confidence. because of this i'm going to retake and pay more on it, i'm really very sad and angry why i so stupid and scare about it. sad is because i'm going to waste time and money on course. angry is why i'm so stupid and no confidence on myself. nervous for not being myself and the lost of confidence worry if i fail, so end up is fail. when thing goes way in the first time it will not happen when it goes another time.
afternoon riding bike out to get document, i think i almost die that time. never make sure no car coming and rush out, suddenly a taxi come out very fast. i really got a shock and brake and stop. if i never check again i think now i'm in the hospital and dying. although is not my day i think everyone still don't want me to leave this world. so thank everyone which don't want me to leave this world, i'm so glad that i safe and sound at home now.
recover now, after a run in the evening and crying when i'm running, cry because i'm too angry, i can't don't cry when i'm angry, maybe i don't know how to be angry. hai~~~
spoke at : 11:01:00 PM
busy day
today very busy, also have driving license to prepare before test tomolo. hai~~~ alot of thing going on.
spoke at : 11:37:00 PM
generous
what is generous? giving a iphone to my brother, which i don't use much?
what is boring? boring which is lazy and nothing to do?
Why is there so many what and why? because i'm still alive and brain is still working... is it? why i feel so meaningless in singapore? is really that worthless to stay in singapore? i should start thinking what should i do for next, it already start long time ago. but i'm lazy to continue so. i can say i should have enough rest and it turn lazy.
nowadays it really busy everyday i need to delivery goods around singapore. this come to my mind, what am i doing this and what do i gain driving everyday and everywhere. is this really good for me? how to manager both together i asking myself? hire people? but who going to pay for it. it alway difficult at the start but how? it really difficult. but need to manage to move on. and bring in customer interested. i believe if i do it, it will make my life difference, can i do it?
what is confident and inferior?
i don't find self confident on myself, how to gain confident? i have alot of doubt on it? i think inferior feeling is getting stronger. how? what to do on it? ingerior feeling is from where? because of my english and appreance? i don't dare to wear like a girl, is really very tough to do so. if i do so everyone will be surprise, i'm scare of this surprise, although i'm a risk taker, but i still can't make it how should i do? it really very tough, it will kills
spoke at : 11:11:00 PM
is diffcuilt...
i found i really can't write proper english....
time flies, friend also flies... i hate this kind of feeling, everyone is moving and i'm not. i'm still at the same place. why is it same? i had done alot of thing. went to a backpack tour and what do i achieve? got new target? but how to achieve? alot of doubt and why?
problem can't solve and target can't achieve. should i feather study? or not? what should i do? save for another trip. what next then? everything is why and how?
i really have gain and lost alot... gain experience lost friend. human really need friend. when can i meet friend which are same like me? or people who like me? why do people go for appearance? no is not people care about it, is me who care about it.... guy really like girl appearance's girl. i hope people can see internal more than appearance. really watch too much of drama? i'm thinking... really alot of drama story, making me think that everything is possible.
i really need courage, i hope that i will be brave enough... how? how to be brave? no motivation for me to do so
spoke at : 10:00:00 PM
i'm back
sorry i think i have leave too long away....
the depression feeling is back again... why? is my life too boring? hai~~~ why?
spoke at : 9:51:00 PM