not my day
why today is not my day because i almost die in the afternoon and fail my class 4 license.
very depressed with the performance i have today. so angry with myself, i can do well during my practice why i can't do it during my test. why why why? it been so long i can't perform when there is testers or manager or anyone which are higher range than me. why? i can't overcome this fear. where is all the confidence. because of this i'm going to retake and pay more on it, i'm really very sad and angry why i so stupid and scare about it. sad is because i'm going to waste time and money on course. angry is why i'm so stupid and no confidence on myself. nervous for not being myself and the lost of confidence worry if i fail, so end up is fail. when thing goes way in the first time it will not happen when it goes another time.
afternoon riding bike out to get document, i think i almost die that time. never make sure no car coming and rush out, suddenly a taxi come out very fast. i really got a shock and brake and stop. if i never check again i think now i'm in the hospital and dying. although is not my day i think everyone still don't want me to leave this world. so thank everyone which don't want me to leave this world, i'm so glad that i safe and sound at home now.
recover now, after a run in the evening and crying when i'm running, cry because i'm too angry, i can't don't cry when i'm angry, maybe i don't know how to be angry. hai~~~
spoke at : 11:01:00 PM